In the early 90’s I was part of a Melbourne garage rock and roll band called the Stiff Kittens and we were like so many others in the inner city then, writing songs and rehearsing feverishly day and night. Our first recording “As You Walk” resulted in a record deal with London label Psychic Records and by 1995 we had four EP’s released in the UK including the Tony Cohen produced “Fat Boy” which became Melody Makers single of the week.

The label were keen to consolidate growing interest following a previous promotional tour of the UK and the USA, so it was with great anticipation and organization that the band departed from Melbourne on a scorching summer’s afternoon bound for England. I kept a little diary of that tour which I’d titled “How we survived the Rock and Roll blitz on Branston Pickle and Trophy bitter”. It contained a host of blurry references to three months of living and touring the UK, and it turned up recently while I was sorting through some old boxes in storage. I sat down to read and before I knew it I was back there again.

We landed in London on January the 24th and didn’t waste any time. Within days we headlined an Australia day gig at the Mean Fiddler to a large happy crowd of ex pats and were feeling red hot. That first month was spent organising and buying instruments, amplifiers, transport, accommodation, rehearsals and playing small shows all over England in preparation of our national tour support with Irish punk legends the Stiff Little Fingers. From university and pub gigs in Bradford, Grimsby, Knottingly, Scunthorpe, York and Hull, to small snowed covered cottage pubs with names like My Father’s Moustache and the Steam Packet, we ploughed up and down the length of England like sardines in a red mini van.

After each new exploration we would return to London and rehearse constantly, surfacing only to attend to radio and magazine interviews. With the imminent release of our fourth and final EP Face we were introduced to NME photographer Martin Goodacre, who took us to an abandoned fire station on the Old Kent road in South London. Following the shoot he introduced us to one of his favourite pubs around the corner, the Green Man, a notorious old school gangster boozer in Kray brothers’ territory. The smoky old mirrors were still angled above the bar so the colourful clientele could watch their backs from the comfort of their barstools without ever having to leave their warm pints.

The pictures came out a treat, and before we knew it the new EP was out, our mugs were all over the English music press and our national tour support with the Fingers was upon us.

Mar 9 - Up early today, met at the Holloway Road studio round 11am, packed the van and hit the road. Played the first tour support at the Roadmender in Northampton. Strange big square, beer barn type of venue, with wooden floors and high brick walls. Played really well to a quiet reserved crowd. Relieved to have the first show out of the way. Sold 14-cd s and 2 T-Shirts.

Mar 10 - Off to Wolverhampton Civic Centre about 1.5 hours away. This is more like it, great looking venue, balconies, and loads of style. Went on around 8.15, big crowd started to dig us after the first two tunes, good response, everybody happy.

Mar 11 - Sweet old Manchester. We all gave the Boddington Brewery a big salute on arrival. Venue at the University sold out, hoorah! Played a great show to a big cheeky crowd. The Fingers sent us a bottle of Stoli in an ice bucket with the message “Thanks for warming them up for us”. We had a massive night back at the Ramada hotel with Faith No More and Prince road crews.

Mar 12 - Screaming hangover…all of us. Next up was Leeds Polytechnic, a strange place and even stranger crowd. No real reaction at all and we played our best set so far. After the show we had a great laugh with Mike Peters from The Alarm, who opened the evening.

Mar 13 - Long drive to Bristol University. Another sold out show! Played a fabulous set to a large mixed crowd in a stinking hot auditorium. Great to have our first encore, all feeling very confident. Also meet a couple of fans from Melbourne. Back in the sardine can and straight to London.

Mar 14 - Rest day.

Mar 15 - Left London at noon and arrived in a cold and sleet covered Nottingham about 4 pm. The venue Rock City is a big 80’s Disco/ Venue run by the Hell’s Angels. Played really well and great to meet fans from previous road trips.

Mar 16 - Off to Newcastle today stopping at Sunderland University to do an acoustic set and radio interview mid afternoon. Arrived at the Mayfair Suite in Newcastle for sound check at 6 pm. I’m in love with all these beautiful old venues. We play really well to lots of excited punters watching from all the balconies.

Mar 17 - Arrived in Glasgow at midday and had a couple of beers in the bar next to the venue Barrowlands. St Patricks Day! Full On!! Getting the “evil eye” severely, so time to look for a quiet bar till sound check. Show Time. The venue manager leads us from our dressing room at the front of the venue through a labyrinth of wood panelled doors and tight corridors under the dance floor to the rear of stage, where an amazing view of the most beautiful ballroom awaits us. I’m transfixed staring at the astrological images on the inverted dome ceiling as the large drunken crowd chant “Fingers! Fingers!” in amongst the “Fuck Offs!” directed at us. We give it everything we’ve got to repel the mad bastards. Played really well and had a ball. We head south, back to the hotel in Newcastle through heavy snow totally knackered.

Mar 18 - After driving all day we reach The Forum in London. Wild looking place, reminds me of an old Greek theatre. Gave it everything to a large appreciative audience. Enjoyed having a chat and a drink with Jake Burns and Bruce Foxton of the Fingers at the after tour party in the West End. Finally got the chance to tell Bruce Foxton what a fan of The Jam I’ve been, and that I always thought the line from Town Called Malice was “Just got past the Fuhrer”. He laughs and tells me it’s a much better line and that he’ll let Paul Weller know. Happy and relieved the tour was a success, I sleep for days.

Touring is not a glamorous past time for a small rock and roll band when you’re crammed into a small freezing van and looking at a prehistoric pie under the heat lamps of a desolate motorway café at 3.30am. Being a long way from home tired and short of cash you begin to realise that you are a commodity with a use by date. Of course none of that matters when the adrenalin kicks in during the opening chords of a live performance and you realise it’s you against the world: it’s an invigorating feeling.

Within days of the tour ending the band had exploded like a string of Chinese firecrackers (a fine tradition for Oz bands touring the UK) and before I knew it I was walking around the streets of Melbourne in a daze saying What the F@#! Happened? Finding that mouldy old diary in my shed was a great little postcard from the past. The music industry has always been a tough business and the artists of today are lucky to have the technology to cut out the middleman, I wish we had. To quote Ben Harper “How I miss the good old days, but I’m so glad they’re gone”.

In 2007 Allkiller Music released a Stiff Kittens compilation entitled Greatest Trips.

www.myspace.com/stiffkittensoz

(c) 2008 Robert Lastdrager (Previously published in The Big Issue, Australian edition, 2008)